Post Adoption Blues, a post for adoptive families especially

In case any of you are, were, or will be where I was (am?). A post I would rather not publish.

We are a little past 6 months into our "Finally Home!" life.

As we waited and prayed and learned and prepared, we hoped, dreamed and imagined how Noah would adjust. We knew lots of good and hard was coming. And we wondered how much hard and just how hard the hard would be. And we hoped and prayed some more. And waited. Lots of waiting. And paperwork, can't forget that.

I thought that if Noah adjusted well, the rest of our family would adjust well. And if Noah had a rough transition, we would also.

Praise God, Noah has adjusted very wonderfully. He grieved terribly at the very first (which is truly a good thing). He spoke enough English that communication wasn't too frustrating and his English has exploded since being home. He loved and attached to us quickly, to both Greg and me, another major answer to prayer. He transitioned easily from city orphanage life in India to country family life in Ohio. He even loves the snow!

This is all a bit rosier than completely accurate. There were (are) also tantrums when he didn't get his way, testing and manipulating as he learned family structure and parental authority, constant demands for attention and affirmation. But all very understandable under the circumstances.

And so I've felt like an adoptive mom failure. Because I have found that even though he was doing amazing, I wasn't. And that didn't make sense. But it is what it is. A while ago I came across this Getting Real About Post-Adoption Depression and it helped. It still doesn't necessarily make sense, but now I know I'm not alone in this. (If you read the article, my symptoms fall more in the post-adoption blues.)  And I have hope that this will pass. In fact, this week has been good even though I have 4 sick kids, which kind of attests to the fact that this is not circumstance-based.

I want to emphasize that this is not because Noah is not wonderful. Those of you who have met him know he is charming, loving, compassionate, full of life and fun. One truly amazing boy whom I love tremendously and am so blessed to have as my son! He fits amazingly well in our family. Many times we have seen evidence that God matched us up. We belong together.

Adoptive Mamas, maybe this has not been your experience. Maybe it won't be. But it has been mine. I am sharing just in case one/some of you are in post-adoption dark days. Or have been. Or will be. I am also posting this because a lot of times I share the good without the hard because I am trying to respect Noah's privacy. Yet that can give a shallow representation of adoption life and limits my ability to share just how awesome God is and how faithful He is through the good and the hard. I will continue to try to respect Noah's privacy, but this post reflects more on me than on him so I feel free to share it.

Please don't feel like you have to understand this if you haven't been there. I truly don't understand it either. And on good days it is easy to forget the dark days ever happened.

There are so many adoptive moms dealing with much harder situations. And thriving. (Maybe by that I mean being faithful through the very hard.) I would like to be their biggest cheerleader! And prayer warrior! Strength, wisdom, perseverance from God for each day, each moment. Thank you Mamas for answering God's call to adopt and for being faithful each day! For seeing the value of each soul, for celebrating the small victories along the way.

Feelings and dark days are real but God's Word is Truth, Hope, Powerful. If you would like, share some of His Truth in the comments below.

Isaiah 52:7
How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him who brings good news, who publishes peace, who brings good news of happiness, who publishes salvation, who says to Zion, "Your God reigns."